First off, it’s important to know some background and how heavy this choice was for me. I teach in Hawaii, where the employment system for teachers is a bit… abnormal. In the Hawaii Department of Education, you must complete your first 3 years at a single school. With the entire state being one district, there is no way to go around this. You are in a probationary status for your first 3 years, then you can begin to transfer positions and schools.
During my second year teaching I got a feeling of despair and indescribable fatigue. Honestly, I got this feeling during my first year but put it up to complications happening at my school that year. I kept trying to move past these feelings. I would tell myself over and over again, “Only one more year. Only one more year. Only one more year.” By spring semester I was absolutely positive that I could not make it the last year. I was devastated with myself and felt like a failure. I wanted to leave teaching behind and never look back. Being a teacher was all that I imagined since middle school. What was my future if not being a teacher? Was there even a point?
I then made a choice to try again. I looked into other options, weighing the consequences of each choice. I worked around the system and decided to give up ALL of my probationary status and start over. I would lose my saved up leave and everything. I went in for an interview and immediately knew that this was the school I was meant to be at. Seriously, I mean IMMEDIATELY. I hadn’t even started the interview. The vibe was completely different than what I had been in for the last two years. I got excited about teaching once again.
I will say, moving schools and grade levels was difficult. A bigger school, unfamiliar content, new people, and all along dealing with health issues popping up. It is now winter break. I’ve been asked many times how I feel about my decision, and every time has been an answer within a heart-beat, “100% YES!”
The thing I have taken away from the past few months is the idea of giving things another shot. I felt like I had done this many times at my first school, but the truth is that I wasn’t truly starting over. My advice for any new teacher who is feeling burnout is to give it another shot, and if that doesn’t work, try one more time with a new slate. Burnout is normal, but being miserable is not. Take care of yourself, allow yourself to feel your feelings, but remember to rebalance your vibes and keep moving forward. I love you.